Image from eveningharold.com
IT WASN’T ME!
It’s a warm summer evening. I’ve spent the last four days working on a big case. I’m hot, tired and, can’t wait to take a load off my aching feet. I slowly lumber to the fridge for a cold one. Lick my dry chapped lips, open the door and reach in. Just as my hands wrap around an icy cold brew, I hear a sound that sends chills up my spine. I can feel the hair rising on my arms. What’s that noise? Like chalk screeching across a chalkboard. No one else is home. I’m almost weak in the knees. But just as suddenly my instincts replace alarm and trepidation, I know that sound, it’s eerily familiar. Straightaway I must act quickly before the perp flees. As quickly and stealthy as possible I close the fridge and dash into the living room. I look everywhere. The noise abates, all cessations cease, there’s no movement. Just two lazy cats lying on their side, blissfully swishing their tails while looking up at me. I look from one to the other and boy do I know that look. A look that says; “Why are you staring at me? It wasn’t me! I didn’t scratch your precious furniture, It must have been him”! Him, being one of the other four cats.
DETECTIVE OF SORTS
If you live with multiple pets than like-it-or-not you’re a detective of sorts and they are the culprits, the accused, the perps! At some point in the day, at least one of them will cross the line. Like ignoring pooping etiquette, tossing up cookies, (throwing up), scratching furniture or, exhibiting anti-social behavior. But the problem is figuring out “Who Done It”?
I’VE GOT MY PERP!
I’d just spent four working days in my backyard laying down a case of mulch in my garden. And now I’ve gotta play detective, gee thanks cat! Alright, as Watson would say, “what would Holmes do?” First things first, what is the placement of the perps in the room in conjunction with the scratched furniture? Next, is there a repeat offender in the room? Yeah, I think I’ve got a bead on him. So I give him my steely-eyed stare. He looks back. His tail stops wagging. No use pretending now! I take a step towards him, then another. It works, he bolts and runs. I’ve got my perp! Budda did it! One mystery solved but what of the many others. The mystery of the disappearing bathtub stopper. Who left the mauled and mangled remains of ‘OG Lizard” aka ‘Old Garden Lizard’ at my bedroom door? And who left the mystery puddle on my favorite shoes?
Image from olyfurnitureworks.com
SO MANY MYSTERIES
So many mysteries, so little time to solve them. Because if you don’t catch one in the act, you can forget about solving the crime. Nonetheless I live in hope and I keep my squirt bottle filled with water. Yesterday the ‘Stopper Thief’, struck again. Only this time he left a clue as though to taunt me. I found one of the missing bathtub stoppers under the dining room table. On it were tiny little teeth marks. Turns out the ‘Stopper Thief’ is also a cannibal. But he can’t hide among the other three cats forever. One day he’ll make a mistake and I’ll catch him. “Then buddy, it’s me and you as I chase you through the house with my trusty squirt bottle sidearm!”
I’ve guarded these characters for many years. I’m good at my job. Ever vigilant where I step, heightened senses always on the alert. Checking for repeat offenders, ‘Budda, Nibbler, Shadow, Fat Albert’. Which cat will burgle, mangle, or heave up today’s ill-gotten-gain today? I’m the Defective Detective. Every day a new mystery emerges for me to solve because this is my beat, my turf, my cat-corner. Yet to the four perps, I guard, between cat-naps, every day is just another day in “The City of the Angeles”. Los Angeles, California, the place I and four cats call home.
Image from eatliner.com
If you enjoy reading my blogs then you’ll relate to the humor and poignancy in my new remembrance book. There are two versions, “Remember When ‘Max’ Swiped the Pork Chop off Uncle Ted’s Plate”? kid’s version. And the adult version, “Remember When ‘Butta’ Squeezed His Big Butt into that Tiny Box? Currently, it’s with the editors but I should have a release date a soon. Check back on this website and Facebook at ashes2essenz.com
Sandra Moses, Blogger, Writer, Entrepreneur